1. Abuse: to treat in a harmful, injurious, or offensive way
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  2. Accountability: The obligation of an individual or organization to account for its activities, accept responsibility for them, and to disclose the results in a transparent manner.
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  3. Accused: one charged with a fault or an offense
  4. Accuser: one who charges another with a fault or offense
  5. Agency: the capacity of individuals to act independently and to make their own free choices
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  6. Altered/High/Tripping/Inebriated/Drunk/Under the Influence: intoxicated
  7. Apology: Regretful acknowledgement of offence
  8. BDSM: An overlapping abbreviation of Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS), Sadism and Masochism (SM).
  9. Broken Stair: Someone who is known to be dangerous within the community (like a broken stair in a house) because they are now avoided by most people in the community, they pose the most danger to new people to the community.
  10. Boundaries: Are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify for themselves what are reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave towards him or her
  11. Bystander: A person who is standing near but not taking part in what is happening
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  12. Conflict Resolution: Otherwise known as reconciliation, is conceptualized as the methods and processes involved in facilitating the peaceful and agreeable ending of conflict and retribution. Committed group members attempt to resolve group conflicts by actively communicating information about their conflicting motives or ideologies to the rest of the group
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  13. Consent: An uncoerced enthusiastic agreement to do something.
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  14. Consent Violation: When someone either intentionally or accidentally crosses another person’s boundaries.  
  15. Contact High: A contact high occurs when one becomes high when they are near someone who is currently using an intoxicant.
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  16. Correction: An attempt to educate another person on how to better their behavior.
  17. De-Escalation: To prevent a potentially dangerous situation from escalating into a physical confrontation or injury.
  18. Derailing: To deflect criticism in a discussions by redirecting the conversation to another issue.
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  19. Diminished or Impaired: A lessening of cognitive or physical resources
  20. Dungeon Monitor: A person charged with supervising an event such as a play party, sex party, BDSM event, etc.
  21. Empowerment: Measures designed to increase the degree of autonomy and self-determination in people and in communities in order to enable them to represent their interests in a responsible and self-determined way, acting on their own authority.
  22. Entry Fee: The monetary cost of gaining access to an event
  23. Flying Under the Radar: The act of keeping a low profile in the community that allows multiple transgressions go unnoticed.
  24. Gaslighting (Destabilizing Someone’s Experience): a form of emotional abuse that uses various forms of manipulation (including: withholding, countering, diverting, trivializing, denying), which causes the victim to question their own feelings, instincts, story, and sanity source:
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  25. Gender Identity: gender identity describes a person’s, internal, personal sense of being a man or a woman (or someone outside of that gender binary).
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  26. Guardian: Someone or something that watches or protects something
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  27. Guests: Persons visiting a space or event.
  28. Guidelines: Proposed code of conduct for a party or community.
  29. Heal: To cause (an undesirable condition) to be overcome
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  30. Host: The person responsible for the space and people visiting the space.
  31. Intent: What a person meant to do
  32. Landmine: A hidden trigger, a trigger a person was unaware of having.
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  33. Mediator: A person who works with two or more individuals in conflict with the aim of coming to an agreement or resolution; a go-between
  34. Microaggression: a subtle but offensive comment or action directed at a minority or other non-dominant group that is often unintentional or unconsciously reinforces a stereotype: microaggressions such as, “I don’t see you as black.”  
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  35. Negotiation: A discussion between people who are trying to reach an agreement
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  36. Newcomer: A person who has recently engaged with a new community.
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  37. Organizer: The person or people responsible for putting together and running an event.
  38. Sexual Orientation: Sexual orientation describes a person’s enduring physical, romantic, and/or emotional attraction to another person
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  39. Participant: an individual who is present and engaging at an event.
  40. Personal Responsibility: The duty to oneself to know one’s own boundaries
  41. Personal Space: The area around a person, in which any other person’s entry feels intimate.
    1. Example:
  42. Party: Gathering of multiple people
  43. Play Party: Parties where Intimate, Sexy or BDSM activities are expected to occur. They may or may not involve sexual activity.
  44. Privilege: A right or benefit that is given to some people and not to others
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  45. Protocol:
    1. A procedure or system followed in the spirit of best practices.
    2. D/S context – a set of rules and expectations that two or more parties agree to follow.
  46. Power: possession of control, authority, or influence over a situation or individual(s)
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  47. PTSD: Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that’s triggered by a terrifying event — either experiencing it or witnessing it.
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  48. Queer: Anyone who feels somehow outside of the societal norms in regard to gender or sexuality
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  49. RACK: Risk-Aware Consensual Kink is a philosophy that’s tenets are best described by a deconstruction of the acronym:
    1. Risk-Aware: Both or all partners are well-informed of the risks involved in the proposed activity.
    2. Consensual: In light of those risks, both or all partners have, of sound mind, offered preliminary consent to engage in said activity.
    3. Kink: Said activity can be classified as alternative sex.
  50. Rape: Sexual activity carried out forcibly or non-consensually
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  51. Renegotiation: Redefining terms
  52. Restorative Justice: An approach to justice that focuses on the needs of both the victim(s) and the offender(s), as well as the involved community.  Victims take an active role in the process.  Meanwhile, offenders are encouraged to take responsibility for their actions, and to repair the harm they’ve done
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  53. Safe Word: An agreed upon word or sound which causes action between people to halt.
  54. SSC: Safe, Sane, Consensual- The principles are that BDSM activities should be:
    1. Safe: attempts should be made to identify and prevent risks to health
    2. Sane: activities should be undertaken in a sane and sensible frame of mind
    3. Consensual: all activities should involve the full consent of all parties involved.
  55. Safe Space: A place where an individual can relax and be able to fully express, without fear of being made to feel uncomfortable, unwelcome, or unsafe on account of biological sex, race/ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender identity or expression, cultural background, religious affiliation, age, or physical or mental ability.
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  56. Scene (play scene): Intimate activity or encounter involving one or more people; it may or may not involve sexual activity.
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  57. Scene Cred/Prestige/Reputation: The condition where those who are well known or liked within a community might be given preferential treatment, power, or access.
  58. Sex positive: An approach to sex and human sexuality that embraces the full benefits of sexual interaction as healthy and uplifting, based upon the premise that sexual expression is good and healthy and that societal repression or control of the individual’s sex-drive is bad and unhealthy.
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  59. Shulgin scale:  A simple scale for reporting the subjective effect of psychoactive substances at a given dosage, and at a given time.
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  60. Spectator: Someone watching an activity or scene
  61. STI Status: Knowledge of the presence or lack of infections which can be readily passed on to another person through sexual contact.
  62. Subspace: The condition of being emotionally and physically altered by activities within a scene or interaction in a way that could affect an individual’s agency.
  63. Survivor: a person who continues to function or prosper after opposition, hardship, or setbacks.
    1. See more:
  64. Tourist/Interloper: An individual not of the community attending a party in order to observe or interact, and who may be unaware of the Guidelines necessary to navigate that space respectfully.
  65. Transformative Justice: A general philosophical strategy for responding to conflicts akin to peacemaking. Transformative justice is concerned with root causes and comprehensive outcomes. It is akin to healing justice more than other alternatives to imprisonment.
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  66. Trauma: A distressing or disturbing experience
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  67. Triage: Initial investigation of any emergency situation in order to prioritize treatment and allocation resources.
  68. Trigger: A stimulus such as an action, a feelings, or sight that triggers feelings of a recalled trauma.
  69. Veteran: Someone who has a lot of experience in a particular activity
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  70. Victim: A person harmed or wronged by a person, event, or action.
  71. Withdrawal of Consent: An Ending of one’s agreement to continue an activity
  72. Witness: One who has first hand knowledge or experience of an event or interaction.


Other sources that may be useful in the future:

  1. Human Rights Campaign
    1. Sexual orientation and Gender Identity Definitions


Questions and Topics for Discussion

  • Word for pointing out someone’s behavior to them, other than “correction?“
  • Term for sharing information with a host about a problem or violation/problem/issue/complaint?
  • Term for a host contacting a guest about their behavior?